Milestones! (Progress Pics)

All right, so if you follow me on Instagram (@chase_love), you will have seen some of my progress photos. If not, then you get to see them here. Yay! I will be posting pics of my befores and afters, muscle development and just all out shmanciness because I'm proud of myself!

So without further ado... :-)

This is the first progress picture I ever put together. (The before picture is actually from 2011, not 2010) and this past January right before I did my first 5K. I look at my old picture and think why the heck did I think I was cute? I knew I was pretty confident in myself but looking back at the general unhealthiness of my lifestyle (I used to smoke and drink a lot) coupled with my being overweight, I can't imagine why I thought the way I lived and look was remotely acceptable.

The mandatory side picture of the belly! Ever since I started this particular weight loss journey, I've been amazed at the progress I've made. Especially in the tummy area. After having two children and then not exercising and eating horribly, to see my belly shrinking has been overwhelmingly emotional.

Front and side views of my belly

My legs! I've always had pretty decent legs. They were a bit on the scrawny side (my family always makes fun of me for having chicken legs). However, now I actually have some muscle on them. They're not all scrawny anymore! YAY for not having chicken legs!

Collage of all the things I've been working on: Legs, belly and arms!

And then there is this last picture. It is my most recent picture after I started doing conditioning/HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training.) This is the picture that exposes me the most (not because I'm in my underwear) but because you can actually see my body and the difference from before and after. I'm not hiding under clothing or shadows that tweak everything... It's actually me! This is actually what I look like! It's un-friggin-believable!!!

I can't believe the amount of changes that have happened in only 3 months! And I still have more to go but the goals seem so much more attainable now that I can see the difference from then and now! Oh, and another milestone? I'm now a size 8!!! I haven't been a size 8 since I was 12 years old! The smallest I ever was, was a size 9 and then after I got pregnant and had my children, I stayed between 14-16! YAY ME again!!!! I can't wait to go shopping for spring and summer clothing!

Anyway, that's what I wanted to share with you all today! Hopefully the next time you see me, I'll have picked out a bikini. :-)

Who Inspires Your Fire?

Who inspires you? Is it a musician or a painter? A singer or a dancer? Do you have someone who inspires you to chase your dreams and goals and motivates you to work towards achieving them?

There are tons of things out there that can motivate you in a particular area of your life you're trying to improve. Posters with inspirational quotes, pictures of people we all want to be like; those are all good things to look at. But for me, they don't really inspire me or motivate me. At least when it comes to fitness.

I am not one of those people who operates with  grandiosity in mind. I'm more of a down-home, close-knit-circle kind of person. While it is inspirational to look at a poster with Arnold Schwarzeneggar on it, I'd rather look at someone I know in real life. The reason? Because I know them. Simple as that. I know their back stories, their struggles and battles, their goals, their dreams... I've seen them transform or because they talk to me and encourage me. Tell me that I'm doing amazing, even when I don't think it about myself. I know these people. And they know me. But I would like to show you these people because they are special to me...

The first person who motivates me on my fitness journey:

My Sister (I don't know if she will read this, and I honestly don't care. She'll probably be mad at me for posting her pictures, and again, I don't care. LOL. She knows I love her!)

My baby sister inspires me to the point of tears. I am so proud of the person she has become. She found herself in fitness. She applied all her energy into something positive and because of that, she was able to not only lose weight, but become confident in who she is as a person. She motivates people without even trying because of the journey she's on and her achievements. As of the date of this blog, she is training for her first competition in May where she will do Olympic lifting. She is strong, and she is a BEAST when it comes to throwing weights around. I could not be more proud of my baby sister and I can't wait to see her compete!

The second person who inspires me is:

My Fitness Coach

This woman is a monster when it comes to focus and determination. I wrote about her in my first blog. She's a Figure Athlete (sexy as all get out), has won several trophies, knows what she wants and does not let anyone sway her from her goals. Yet, at the same time she is knowledgeable and genuine in her passion to help other people out when it comes to their own goals. In the 11 weeks she has been coaching me on this fitness journey, she has become a wonderful friend who operates in love and with intention of seeing me through. But she doesn't candy coat things either. She will lay down the tough love because sometimes that's what I need. She inspires me to push on and not to give up. She will talk me through my tough moments and celebrate with me in my victories. Plus, she's funny as hell! She can definitely make me laugh, even when I'm mad at her for torturing me with a workout. But she also knows I love her and I hope she knows I admire her.

And the third person that inspires me isn't someone I necessarily know. If anything, we have never talked or made any eye contact... The person that inspires me is the man or woman going through their own personal battle in their journey to lose weight and become fit. Whether it be watching them struggle with their insecurities and fight through their obstacles, working with a personal trainer or watching them do it all on their own... Being able to see them fight through a workout where tears and pain are prominent, to finishing triumphantly... It's just as awesome as if I did know them personally.

So, don't give up. Keep going and, just like my coach says, "You never know who you inspire." <3

Bikini Shopping (Part 1)

Today I attempted to go bikini shopping. I knew that it wouldn't be easy. What I didn't know was that it was going to be so hard. I mean, I know that my body isn't in the best shape, but that's what I'm working on. That's the whole point of this. I didn't expect to find one today of course. I honestly didn't know what to expect.

My husband and I went to Target and while he went to Electronics section, I went to the swimwear section. There was a huge selection of different bathing suits, many different styles and flashy colors. While nice, those weren't the things I was looking for. All I wanted was something that would cover me up enough and still be considered a bikini.

As I was browsing, I thought of a couple things. What makes a bikini, a bikini? Is it only a bikini when it's a two piece? Is it dependent on the amount of skin shown? And then I thought, Why do I want this? Can I really do this? Is this out of my league? Why did I even make this my goal? I mean, what's so special about a stupid bikini anyway?

Man, I really set myself up...

I began trying on different ones. I kinda knew what I wanted in a bathing suit. I don't like the idea of string bikinis, that's definitely not my style. I want to be able to run and play with my kids in it. I also don't like the idea that the bikini I wore dictated how much I ate when I wore it, (ie: I drink water and I look bloated.) I'm looking for comfort. The problem is, I don't know how to be comfortable when I know I'll be so exposed.

The first piece I looked for was bottoms. I knew I wanted something along the lines of boy shorts. I found them easily enough. They were these cute black and white striped shorts with draw strings on the sides and on the hem. When I tried them on, they were snug enough that they looked like actual bathing suit bottoms rather than shorts that I was wearing as a bathing suit. I grabbed a medium even though I knew it would be too small. My coach said that I should buy the bathing suit in the size that I want to be by summer. A medium sounded good to me. It was realistic and attainable.

Next was the top. And this is where my insecurity kicked in. I'm a chesty girl. When I was younger, I developed into a full C. After I had my kids, I went up to a DD. I've always been top heavy. It's a pain when it comes to shirt shopping. Loose, draped shirts that weren't fitted around my waist automatically made me look like I was 6-7 months pregnant. Add on the fact that I was husky... No bueno. Now that I've lost weight, I'm not as big but I still need support. However here's the problem I've noticed with bikini tops. They're made for women with perky C cups or smaller. What about D cupped women who were no longer perky after babies and nature had their way with them? Sure I found some cute tops with an under wire in them, but even if I grabbed a large or extra large, it wouldn't provide the coverage and support I knew I needed. I ended up trying one on and didn't even make it to tying it. Immediately, I was like, HELL NO! It barely covered what I needed covered and the ties that went around my neck and back... *pffffffft* forget it. 

I put my clothes back on and went back out and hung up the bathing suit and texted my coach. I was sad. After all the progress I'd made, I was faced with the reality of that though my body looked a lot better than what it used to... It didn't mean I could wear a bikini. My coach talked to me and asked me a hard question that needed answering.

Why do I want this goal? I answered this before but in the face of something so gigantically scary, I'd forgotten why. So I'm going to answer this again here.

I want to be able to wear a bikini because it means that I worked hard and struggled to get the body that I never thought was achievable. It would mean that I am proud of my body and that I am victorious.

I didn't think that something as simple as bikini shopping would be as emotionally draining, but it is. And it's something that I have to work on. It's an obstacle that I have to overcome. I've accomplished so much in the year and a half I've been on this road to being more fit. I didn't start this for anyone but me. So I will think of it in the same way: This isn't for anyone else but me. What other people think of me doesn't matter. They're not the ones that have to live with this body. I am. So I might as well make it the best and be happy with it. 

I don't know how long it will take me to find the perfect bathing suit, but three months is a long time. So the search continues...

Food is Fuel...?

Ever since I started training under my fitness coach, she has repeated this particular phrase to me over and over again.

"Food is Fuel."

But... what does that even mean? It's a simple phrase and there really is a simplicity in that statement. We eat food so we don't die. That's about as simple as it gets for me at least. So why do I have such a hard time grasping such a concept?

Being Filipino, I think it goes back to the singular fact that my entire childhood revolved around food. Family parties always had buffet style spreads with family sized portions and no limit to how many times you could plate up. The mentality of "eat everything on your plate" was a big one growing. Food was and is a staple in my life. A lot of my happiest memories have food in there somewhere. To me, cooking represented love. The love of family, and the love of eating something my mom or grandmothers spent hours in the kitchen making just for me. It meant laughter and hanging out with cousins and new babies and simply enjoying company. Before I started retraining the way I thought about food, food was the center of everything. That sounds kinda sad as I read that, but that's how I grew up. I'm actually quite surprised that I didn't become obese, but had I not started exercising and watching what I eat, I have no doubt that I was on my way to becoming obese. Before I got into fitness, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and didn't care how much I ate. If I wanted McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I went ahead and got McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I didn't care about counting calories or the nutritional value of whatever I was stuffing my face with. I didn't care about my food intake vs. my caloric output ratio. I just liked to eat.

Now that I am exercising and watching what I eat, relearning the concept of "Food is Fuel" has been a real struggle for me. I have a massive sweet tooth. Carbs call my name everyday! Changing my diet so drastically from eating what I wanted and however much I wanted to a specific diet plan and weighing the food that will go in my stomach down to the friggin' OUNCE has become a pain in my butt! So why do I do it? Why bother if it's a miserable process that requires self-discipline and an iron will? Because I want to have the body that I can be proud of. I want to be able to look at myself and say I went from being a 5'2", husky chunk of a girl to someone who can run 5 miles without keeling over and throwing up. I can throw weights around and enjoy it. I do it because I see how far I've come and see how great I feel and LOVE IT! This is really the only thing that pushes me to stay on track and eat salad after salad after salad. Some may say it's a vanity thing. And yes, it is. But I'd rather love me and how I feel than hate my body and wish I looked like someone else.

Long talks with my coach and listening to her spit knowledge about why we eat the way we eat makes so much sense, even if my stomach disagrees. We eat to survive, not til we pass out from food comas and become so lazy that we sit around and do nothing until we are over saturated with high cholesterol, diseases and disorders. We eat unprocessed foods so that our bodies can digest them properly rather than stuffing ourselves with preservatives and high sugar contents until we develop diabetes or cancers. Our bodies were meant to run and jump and play with our kids and do amazing things, not sit around, unhappy with ourselves while we eat a whole carton of Cookie and Cream ice cream. We are wonderfully made. We need to treat ourselves like we are.

Does this mean we can't enjoy our favorite foods once in awhile? Of course it doesn't mean that. But changing the way you think about food definitely plays into it. It changes your whole mentality. I may still struggle with the concept, but I understand enough to know that saying no to a plate full of chicken and rice adobo (*sigh*) which is high in carbs and sodium, means a healthier and better me.

So, yes. Food is Fuel. Just keep saying it until you sympathize. LOL!