Milestones! (Progress Pics)

All right, so if you follow me on Instagram (@chase_love), you will have seen some of my progress photos. If not, then you get to see them here. Yay! I will be posting pics of my befores and afters, muscle development and just all out shmanciness because I'm proud of myself!

So without further ado... :-)

This is the first progress picture I ever put together. (The before picture is actually from 2011, not 2010) and this past January right before I did my first 5K. I look at my old picture and think why the heck did I think I was cute? I knew I was pretty confident in myself but looking back at the general unhealthiness of my lifestyle (I used to smoke and drink a lot) coupled with my being overweight, I can't imagine why I thought the way I lived and look was remotely acceptable.

The mandatory side picture of the belly! Ever since I started this particular weight loss journey, I've been amazed at the progress I've made. Especially in the tummy area. After having two children and then not exercising and eating horribly, to see my belly shrinking has been overwhelmingly emotional.

Front and side views of my belly

My legs! I've always had pretty decent legs. They were a bit on the scrawny side (my family always makes fun of me for having chicken legs). However, now I actually have some muscle on them. They're not all scrawny anymore! YAY for not having chicken legs!

Collage of all the things I've been working on: Legs, belly and arms!

And then there is this last picture. It is my most recent picture after I started doing conditioning/HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training.) This is the picture that exposes me the most (not because I'm in my underwear) but because you can actually see my body and the difference from before and after. I'm not hiding under clothing or shadows that tweak everything... It's actually me! This is actually what I look like! It's un-friggin-believable!!!

I can't believe the amount of changes that have happened in only 3 months! And I still have more to go but the goals seem so much more attainable now that I can see the difference from then and now! Oh, and another milestone? I'm now a size 8!!! I haven't been a size 8 since I was 12 years old! The smallest I ever was, was a size 9 and then after I got pregnant and had my children, I stayed between 14-16! YAY ME again!!!! I can't wait to go shopping for spring and summer clothing!

Anyway, that's what I wanted to share with you all today! Hopefully the next time you see me, I'll have picked out a bikini. :-)

Who Inspires Your Fire?

Who inspires you? Is it a musician or a painter? A singer or a dancer? Do you have someone who inspires you to chase your dreams and goals and motivates you to work towards achieving them?

There are tons of things out there that can motivate you in a particular area of your life you're trying to improve. Posters with inspirational quotes, pictures of people we all want to be like; those are all good things to look at. But for me, they don't really inspire me or motivate me. At least when it comes to fitness.

I am not one of those people who operates with  grandiosity in mind. I'm more of a down-home, close-knit-circle kind of person. While it is inspirational to look at a poster with Arnold Schwarzeneggar on it, I'd rather look at someone I know in real life. The reason? Because I know them. Simple as that. I know their back stories, their struggles and battles, their goals, their dreams... I've seen them transform or because they talk to me and encourage me. Tell me that I'm doing amazing, even when I don't think it about myself. I know these people. And they know me. But I would like to show you these people because they are special to me...

The first person who motivates me on my fitness journey:

My Sister (I don't know if she will read this, and I honestly don't care. She'll probably be mad at me for posting her pictures, and again, I don't care. LOL. She knows I love her!)

My baby sister inspires me to the point of tears. I am so proud of the person she has become. She found herself in fitness. She applied all her energy into something positive and because of that, she was able to not only lose weight, but become confident in who she is as a person. She motivates people without even trying because of the journey she's on and her achievements. As of the date of this blog, she is training for her first competition in May where she will do Olympic lifting. She is strong, and she is a BEAST when it comes to throwing weights around. I could not be more proud of my baby sister and I can't wait to see her compete!

The second person who inspires me is:

My Fitness Coach

This woman is a monster when it comes to focus and determination. I wrote about her in my first blog. She's a Figure Athlete (sexy as all get out), has won several trophies, knows what she wants and does not let anyone sway her from her goals. Yet, at the same time she is knowledgeable and genuine in her passion to help other people out when it comes to their own goals. In the 11 weeks she has been coaching me on this fitness journey, she has become a wonderful friend who operates in love and with intention of seeing me through. But she doesn't candy coat things either. She will lay down the tough love because sometimes that's what I need. She inspires me to push on and not to give up. She will talk me through my tough moments and celebrate with me in my victories. Plus, she's funny as hell! She can definitely make me laugh, even when I'm mad at her for torturing me with a workout. But she also knows I love her and I hope she knows I admire her.

And the third person that inspires me isn't someone I necessarily know. If anything, we have never talked or made any eye contact... The person that inspires me is the man or woman going through their own personal battle in their journey to lose weight and become fit. Whether it be watching them struggle with their insecurities and fight through their obstacles, working with a personal trainer or watching them do it all on their own... Being able to see them fight through a workout where tears and pain are prominent, to finishing triumphantly... It's just as awesome as if I did know them personally.

So, don't give up. Keep going and, just like my coach says, "You never know who you inspire." <3

Cake or a Bikini Body... Battling A Food Addiction

Tonight is one of those nights where I have to fight my inner "Fat Kid". All I want right now is a HUGE, sugary slice of red velvet cake slathered with cream cheese frosting. There is no bakery anywhere near me that makes it, I'm not at a birthday party where they're serving it as dessert... However my craving is strong enough that I will go buy a slice and scarf it down in 2.5 seconds flat. I seriously find myself at this junction more times than I care to count. I always have to fight my hunger. I always have to say "yes", or "no", or "should you really be eating that?", or "I do NOT want to eat this again!"

I mean, I know cake is not good for me. I know that it's pointless, useless calories, carbs and SUGAR! But it still doesn't stop me from wanting it. Sugar actually gives me a really bad headache. It makes my teeth hurt and I feel jittery. So why do I want it when it's so obviously bad for me?

As I've said before, I have a major sweet tooth. Especially for the baked dessert variety. Cookies, cupcakes, cakes, pastries... You name it, I want it. It's a craving that doesn't seem to ever go away. And now that I can't have it, I want it even more. I don't know if it ever will go away. Sometimes my cravings get so bad it pisses me off. And when it pisses me off, I'm a monster. I'm a monster to my husband, my kids and to whoever gets in my way. And the whole time I think, "Why am I like this? It's just FOOD!"

It's crazy just how much we stress over what we can and can't eat. I seriously think food makes me way more happy than it should. But why? Why does it make me act like a lunatic? I read an article about why food and over-eating are very much like an addiction. For many people, myself included, eating food (namely carbs and sweets) brings me to a happy place. (Geez, if that last sentence doesn't have "fat kid" written all over it.) It makes me feel complete and satisfied... for the moment. And why wouldn't food make a person happy? With all the different types of food out there, eating can be a really great experience. But as the saying goes, "Too much of a good thing is a bad thing." Without portion control and the will power to say no, all those great foods can lead to bad things such as diabetes, cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc. That still doesn't stop a person from shoveling food laced with obscene amounts of sugar and salt into their mouths.

For people who don't think food could be considered an addiction, I strongly disagree. Food can most certainly be an addiction. Of course it varies in how extreme an addiction to food can be. For some it can be mild and annoying, and to others it can be life threatening.

I read a couple articles about how food addiction is gaining more and more recognition in today's health aware society, and that food addiction is very similar to cocaine or heroin addiction. Just like drugs, your favorite foods trigger the pleasure centers of the brain, releasing dopamine (the feel good sensation you get when you get high or eat fatty foods) into the body. This is the "happy place" I was talking about. You feel good and you're satisfied for the time being. But just like a drug, you need a fix. When your body doesn't get that fix, you become moody and angry.

So say you want to go on a diet. You eat clean for a little while and you feel all healthy and happy. But then your body goes haywire on you and yells at you to go eat cake! So the only way to make your inner food monster shut up is to eat that crappy, yet delicious cake. And then comes shame and guilt and the need for a shower and detox. ;-) Seriously though, when your body is so used to eating like crap and then you switch it up and take all those salts and fats and sugars away, your body goes into withdrawal. It's happened to me plenty of times. Your body is so used to eating one way, it doesn't know what to do with itself when you change what it's been used to for so long. This is why people yo-yo diet so frequently.

When I first started dieting, I would go into withdrawals and I would get so mad when I couldn't have what I wanted. I felt stupid and silly because of it. I would argue with myself and lash out because I couldn't have what I wanted. It's a sucky thing going from eating whatever and however much you wanted to portion controlled, clean foods. Even when I know that it's better for me in the long run, it can be a miserable road to travel. I want to feel good sure, but I also want to look good. Sometimes I want to ask, "Why can't eating whatever I want and having a bomb looking body go hand in hand?" 

The truth of the matter is simple. The body doesn't operate that way. If we want to look good, we have to do what is good for us. But it's hard. And therein will always lie the struggle.

It sometimes feels like a silent battle I'm fighting all by myself. Yet, I know I'm not alone. I know there are people out there who understand what I'm feeling. What I'm going through. That's why there are so many Weight Watchers and Over Eaters Anonymous out there. We all need a helping hand from people who have also been through it and still struggle because they're, you know, human beings that have issues. This is why I have a coach. She keeps me accountable because I don't have the will power or discipline to do it myself all the time. She wants to see me succeed. I want to see me succeed. And I hope that at the end of this particular goal, you too will see me succeed. <3

~       http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-food-addiction

~ http://www.cracked.com/article_20307_5-diabolical-ways-your-body-tricks-you-into-being-fat.html

Bikini Shopping (Part 1)

Today I attempted to go bikini shopping. I knew that it wouldn't be easy. What I didn't know was that it was going to be so hard. I mean, I know that my body isn't in the best shape, but that's what I'm working on. That's the whole point of this. I didn't expect to find one today of course. I honestly didn't know what to expect.

My husband and I went to Target and while he went to Electronics section, I went to the swimwear section. There was a huge selection of different bathing suits, many different styles and flashy colors. While nice, those weren't the things I was looking for. All I wanted was something that would cover me up enough and still be considered a bikini.

As I was browsing, I thought of a couple things. What makes a bikini, a bikini? Is it only a bikini when it's a two piece? Is it dependent on the amount of skin shown? And then I thought, Why do I want this? Can I really do this? Is this out of my league? Why did I even make this my goal? I mean, what's so special about a stupid bikini anyway?

Man, I really set myself up...

I began trying on different ones. I kinda knew what I wanted in a bathing suit. I don't like the idea of string bikinis, that's definitely not my style. I want to be able to run and play with my kids in it. I also don't like the idea that the bikini I wore dictated how much I ate when I wore it, (ie: I drink water and I look bloated.) I'm looking for comfort. The problem is, I don't know how to be comfortable when I know I'll be so exposed.

The first piece I looked for was bottoms. I knew I wanted something along the lines of boy shorts. I found them easily enough. They were these cute black and white striped shorts with draw strings on the sides and on the hem. When I tried them on, they were snug enough that they looked like actual bathing suit bottoms rather than shorts that I was wearing as a bathing suit. I grabbed a medium even though I knew it would be too small. My coach said that I should buy the bathing suit in the size that I want to be by summer. A medium sounded good to me. It was realistic and attainable.

Next was the top. And this is where my insecurity kicked in. I'm a chesty girl. When I was younger, I developed into a full C. After I had my kids, I went up to a DD. I've always been top heavy. It's a pain when it comes to shirt shopping. Loose, draped shirts that weren't fitted around my waist automatically made me look like I was 6-7 months pregnant. Add on the fact that I was husky... No bueno. Now that I've lost weight, I'm not as big but I still need support. However here's the problem I've noticed with bikini tops. They're made for women with perky C cups or smaller. What about D cupped women who were no longer perky after babies and nature had their way with them? Sure I found some cute tops with an under wire in them, but even if I grabbed a large or extra large, it wouldn't provide the coverage and support I knew I needed. I ended up trying one on and didn't even make it to tying it. Immediately, I was like, HELL NO! It barely covered what I needed covered and the ties that went around my neck and back... *pffffffft* forget it. 

I put my clothes back on and went back out and hung up the bathing suit and texted my coach. I was sad. After all the progress I'd made, I was faced with the reality of that though my body looked a lot better than what it used to... It didn't mean I could wear a bikini. My coach talked to me and asked me a hard question that needed answering.

Why do I want this goal? I answered this before but in the face of something so gigantically scary, I'd forgotten why. So I'm going to answer this again here.

I want to be able to wear a bikini because it means that I worked hard and struggled to get the body that I never thought was achievable. It would mean that I am proud of my body and that I am victorious.

I didn't think that something as simple as bikini shopping would be as emotionally draining, but it is. And it's something that I have to work on. It's an obstacle that I have to overcome. I've accomplished so much in the year and a half I've been on this road to being more fit. I didn't start this for anyone but me. So I will think of it in the same way: This isn't for anyone else but me. What other people think of me doesn't matter. They're not the ones that have to live with this body. I am. So I might as well make it the best and be happy with it. 

I don't know how long it will take me to find the perfect bathing suit, but three months is a long time. So the search continues...

Food is Fuel...?

Ever since I started training under my fitness coach, she has repeated this particular phrase to me over and over again.

"Food is Fuel."

But... what does that even mean? It's a simple phrase and there really is a simplicity in that statement. We eat food so we don't die. That's about as simple as it gets for me at least. So why do I have such a hard time grasping such a concept?

Being Filipino, I think it goes back to the singular fact that my entire childhood revolved around food. Family parties always had buffet style spreads with family sized portions and no limit to how many times you could plate up. The mentality of "eat everything on your plate" was a big one growing. Food was and is a staple in my life. A lot of my happiest memories have food in there somewhere. To me, cooking represented love. The love of family, and the love of eating something my mom or grandmothers spent hours in the kitchen making just for me. It meant laughter and hanging out with cousins and new babies and simply enjoying company. Before I started retraining the way I thought about food, food was the center of everything. That sounds kinda sad as I read that, but that's how I grew up. I'm actually quite surprised that I didn't become obese, but had I not started exercising and watching what I eat, I have no doubt that I was on my way to becoming obese. Before I got into fitness, I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and didn't care how much I ate. If I wanted McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I went ahead and got McDonald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I didn't care about counting calories or the nutritional value of whatever I was stuffing my face with. I didn't care about my food intake vs. my caloric output ratio. I just liked to eat.

Now that I am exercising and watching what I eat, relearning the concept of "Food is Fuel" has been a real struggle for me. I have a massive sweet tooth. Carbs call my name everyday! Changing my diet so drastically from eating what I wanted and however much I wanted to a specific diet plan and weighing the food that will go in my stomach down to the friggin' OUNCE has become a pain in my butt! So why do I do it? Why bother if it's a miserable process that requires self-discipline and an iron will? Because I want to have the body that I can be proud of. I want to be able to look at myself and say I went from being a 5'2", husky chunk of a girl to someone who can run 5 miles without keeling over and throwing up. I can throw weights around and enjoy it. I do it because I see how far I've come and see how great I feel and LOVE IT! This is really the only thing that pushes me to stay on track and eat salad after salad after salad. Some may say it's a vanity thing. And yes, it is. But I'd rather love me and how I feel than hate my body and wish I looked like someone else.

Long talks with my coach and listening to her spit knowledge about why we eat the way we eat makes so much sense, even if my stomach disagrees. We eat to survive, not til we pass out from food comas and become so lazy that we sit around and do nothing until we are over saturated with high cholesterol, diseases and disorders. We eat unprocessed foods so that our bodies can digest them properly rather than stuffing ourselves with preservatives and high sugar contents until we develop diabetes or cancers. Our bodies were meant to run and jump and play with our kids and do amazing things, not sit around, unhappy with ourselves while we eat a whole carton of Cookie and Cream ice cream. We are wonderfully made. We need to treat ourselves like we are.

Does this mean we can't enjoy our favorite foods once in awhile? Of course it doesn't mean that. But changing the way you think about food definitely plays into it. It changes your whole mentality. I may still struggle with the concept, but I understand enough to know that saying no to a plate full of chicken and rice adobo (*sigh*) which is high in carbs and sodium, means a healthier and better me.

So, yes. Food is Fuel. Just keep saying it until you sympathize. LOL!

Operation Bikini Body...

So here it is. A blog on fitness and healthy eating and my strange fascination with fitness in the pursuit of something I've never had before... A body suitable for a bikini.

Now to some, that might not be a big thing. To me, however, it's a huge ordeal. When it comes to swimsuits, I always chose one-pieces or cover up with a tee shirt and board shorts. To me, being able to wear a bikini means that I am proud of the body I have worked for and struggled to achieve.

I am not new to the world of fitness. I actually started working out in October of 2011. I quit smoking and laced up my tennis shoes and had my sister introduce me to circuit training. And I emphatically greeted it by throwing up. Literally. I didn't realize just how out of shape I was and how far I had allowed myself to go. I had allowed myself to become blinded by unhealthy apathy and plain laziness of eating like crap and not working out. I wheezed and cried through the first hour of circuit training, cursing my sister out all the while but didn't give up. And I returned the next day for another round. Every day that I worked out was like that for me. My sister would find some way to torture me, make me want to throw stuff at her and curse like a sailor, but I never gave up. She pushed me and I pushed myself. I would tell myself, if she can do this, so can I.

The day she introduced cardio to me, I thought I was going to die. Running was not something I considered a favorite past time of mine. I struggled to do even a quarter of a mile. I remember running one lap around our city park (roughly a quarter mile) with my dad, and he had to hold my hand just so I could finish the lap, all the while hearing my sister yelling at me like a drill instructor. I absolutely loathed running. Again, I didn't give up. I continued to push myself even though I didn't think I could make it.

Several weeks went by and I began to notice a couple things. I was still husky, but my breathing was better. My lungs were stronger and I simply felt better over all. I felt happier too. I would run on my own time as well. Little milestones here and there, nothing  huge. The day I completed my first mile, I was ecstatic. I began to really fall in love with running and would push myself to see how many miles I could do without killing myself. It took about 7 months, but I went from not being able to run a quarter mile without getting winded to running a little over 5 miles in an hour and fifteen. It wasn't very fast, but I didn't care. I was able to do it and that's all that mattered.

The weight came off of course, but I didn't really care too much about that particular aspect. I just wanted to run. I filled my days with cardio and would itch for the feel of pavement under my feet. Even on days when I clearly needed rest, I would want to run. I'd been running for about a year when I finally realized and admitted that something was missing from my regimen. True, I was exercising, but my body had hit a plateau. It wasn't changing anymore. I had even signed up for a gym membership (UFC GYM CONCORD ROCKS!!!) and would go run there. I didn't lift weights because in all honesty, I had no clue what I was doing and the repetition bored me. I was stuck.

Then my sister introduced me to a woman who competes as a figure athlete. She's this tiny little thing but her presence is HUGE! She is definitely one of those women that will own the room as soon as she walks in. I was fascinated with her and the things I'd heard about her. She's only been competing for a couple years (as of the date I wrote this blog) and has won several trophies. She even placed 2nd over all during her second competition. Amazing stats! She was focused and determined and that, to me, was admirable.

Anyway, I'd been a part of UFC for several months, taking classes, doing what I could with my limited knowledge, when I finally came to the conclusion that what I was doing wasn't cutting it anymore. I needed something different. And I knew who I needed to talk to.

She and I had talked a couple times previously, a little about my working in the beauty industry and her being a figure athlete and that was that. I had her number, so I texted her about what I wanted to do. The new year was coming and I needed a change. After talking a little more about it, I signed up under her to coach me and have been working with her for a little over 2 months now.

I gotta tell you, in the two months I have been following her eating and workout regimen, I have noticed AMAZING results and changes. I've slimmed down and tightened up. My muscles are stronger and I feel  great! I am also more confident in how I look and know that I truly look good.

But now the game has changed. I don't want to look just "good" anymore. I want to look FANTASTIC! I want to be able to wear a bikini. And so I talked to my coach, told her my new goals and she's behind me 100%.

So I have three months to become bikini ready. I hope I can do it. It would be so great if I could. And I hope that those of you who read this blog of mine will go a long with me for the ride.

Let OPERATION BIKINI BODY begin!!!!!!!!!!